An immense castle yet to be found

I saw a beautiful immense castle. Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient  castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, has discovered it for the first time in history.

17 Comments

  1. bvava says:

    well done Aliza you have used lots of adjectives, but could you include a simile.

    1. bvaliza1 says:

      I saw a beautiful immense castle it was as pretty as a princess Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, has discovered it for the first time in history

  2. bvlinah says:

    its was very good I really liked the bit were there was a beautiful castle at the start but I think you can add a frounted adverbial I think it would fit in with the story but you done very well.

  3. bvawab says:

    aliza cool story i like your adjectives but can you use some adverbs

  4. bvadele says:

    Well done Aliza your story uses interesting adjectives but could you maybe use a subordinated conjunction.

    1. bvaliza1 says:

      I saw a beautiful immense castle it was as pretty as a princess Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, has discovered it for the first time in history but can she escape from the legendary castle or will she stay there forever…

  5. bvayma says:

    well done aliza i like your story its really good could you use
    some adverbs.

    1. bvaliza1 says:

      I saw a beautiful immense castle it was as pretty as a princess Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, can she escape from the legendary castle or will she stay there forever she escaped from the castle carefully so nobody could see her and if some body saw here they would call the police the castle belonged to somebody not her.

  6. bvbrandon says:

    Well done aliza you have used alliteration in your witting.
    should you use fronted ad verbs

    1. bvaliza1 says:

      I saw a beautiful immense castle it was as pretty as a princess Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, has discovered it for the first time in history but, can she make it all the way home i do not think so. dark devil demon doom dream can she find her way to mercy.

  7. bvilham says:

    that story was good but, could you use a 3-ed to make it even better to show that you,ed inproved

    1. bvaliza1 says:

      I saw a beautiful immense castle it was as pretty as a princess Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, can she escape from the legendary castle or will she stay there forever she escaped from the castle carefully so nobody could see her and if some body saw here they would call the police the castle belonged to somebody not her.worried ,frightened,terified she finally escped from the old castle

  8. bvchloe1 says:

    Great job Aliza! I`ve really enjoyed reading your story,
    what about adding a boys sentence?

    1. bvaliza1 says:

      I saw a beautiful immense castle it was as pretty as a princess Through the deep damp woods I saw a old castle. At the top of the tall castle there was a red flag. In front of the ancient castle there was a colossal damp woods were nobody has gone before. a legendary castle 100 years have passed and this girl, who is ever so brave, has discovered it for the first time in history but, can she make it all the way home i do not think so.

  9. bvabdullah1 says:

    i like the way you imagine things and put it in your story but use noun.w.w.w sentences

  10. bvali says:

    nice words like immense can you use boys

  11. bvali says:

    nice words like immense can you use 3ed

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