The Great Fire

It was too late…

The fire had all ready started.

One cold,winter night a fire hit Manchester

it was horrifying. The houses and the cars were on fire. People were

terrified because they didn’t  know what to do. People were panicking. Family were still in there houses until…

A little 7 year old screamed “AAAHHH!”  And now family began to worry.

But suddenly, a woman could see a bleary image of a dragon until she real realized  it was a fire breathing  dragon.Now people realized the dragon must off made the fire  he set of  with a grin on his face

 

 

9 Comments

  1. lujane says:

    Well done jugraj that was so good i could imagine that it in my head,but you could use a lot more scentanse types.

  2. nawaz1 says:

    You could use more sentence types in your work. Add more detail about what the dragon done to the place. Remember to use Capital letters and full stops.

  3. faith4dt says:

    Hi
    ☆Direct speech
    ☆Fronted adverbials
    ⊙I noticed that where the little boy screams,that you wrote family, it would make more sense if you put families.

    (I also noticed there is no punctuation on the very last line.)

  4. miguel says:

    GOOD use of capital lattles.

  5. mia7 says:

    Good description and scene setting, letting readers form a good picture of what was happening.

    Use of emotive words helps readers imagine just how scared the people were feeling at the time of the attack.(terrified,panicking,worry).

    Punctuation corrections.

  6. hira says:

    2 stars: the piece of writing drags you into it and makes you feel it happening in front of you. 2 stars:Good use of ellipses
    1 wish : Maybe try connecting the sentences to it make sense

  7. katie5 says:

    star: I liked the start of it because it gets the reader informed of what had happened.
    wish: You could have added a subordinating conjunctions in lods of your sentences.

  8. hana1 says:

    Well done Jugraj!
    This is very good but you shouldn’t be using too many short sentences.
    Also, you should add a de:de sentence on the fourth line of this writing.’It was horrifying:the houses and cars were on fire,and people were terrified as they didn’t know what to do.’

  9. wareesha1 says:

    stars:Good use of words and creating images and a little bit of suspence

    wish: what you could do next time is to make your sentences a little bit longer instead of short

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