100 word challenge

One night, in the middle of the summer in a largely populated village a disaster had occurred. It was unexpected. To be specific it was around 10, everyone was preparing to sleep and we heard the village bell ring frantically. Babies were crying children were screaming and adults were panicking… We looked out of our windows to see a large bat like figure flying above us. The end of the village had been set a blaze , in a panic i led my family to a boat and helped them on. as we drifted away we watched the village turn into ashes.

6 Comments

  1. lujane says:

    Well Mia that was absalutaly fantastic ,but when you said as we drifted away we watched the village turn into ashes make sure you put a capital letter at the start of the sentence, but the rest was so good i could imaged it in my head in stead of looking at the picture.

  2. faith4dt says:

    Well done!
    ☆ Creative Story
    ☆ Fronted Adverbial
    ⊙ You could use an ellipsis at the very end to create tension and suspense

    What happens next Mia?

  3. nicole1 says:

    ★Good use of sentence types
    ★Good use of punctuation

    I wouldn’t change anything with this paragraph.

  4. Manal says:

    You have used powerful words.It is cohesive.
    What do you mean when you wrote large bat like figure?

  5. Doa says:

    Hi Mia
    Star- I really like the way that you have used technical vocabulary in your sentences. It makes me want to read on and makes me curios about what will happen next.
    Star 2- I like how you have used a range of different sentence openers.
    Wish- You could have used a the more,the more. For example,
    The more my family panicked, the more they were stressed.

  6. mia7 says:

    my edited version

    One night, in the middle of the summer in a largely populated village a disaster occurred. It was unexpected. To be specific it was around 10, everyone was preparing to sleep and we heard the village bell ring frantically. Babies were crying children were screaming and adults were panicking… We peered through our windows to see a large deep blue bat like figure flying above us. The end of the village had been set a blaze , in a panic i led my family to a boat and helped them on. As we drifted away we watched the village turn into ashes…

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