The white whitch

The white witch ,which is a demon,owns Narnia .Angrily ,the white which walked off the sledge and found at Edmund . Evil strong powerful the white which zoomed with her sledge down the snowy light path .Her blond hair is holding her cold light hair.The more the dwarf ran to Edmund with a knife the more Edmund ran away from him.

6 Comments

  1. mia7 says:

    Mothna i really like your first sentence but i think that you could improve i and i am saying that about your choice of work because it is hard to say “the white witch,which is a demon,owns narnia”.. How about saying “The white witch,who is a demon,rules narnia..

  2. mia7 says:

    Mothna i really like your first sentence but i think that you could improve it and i am saying that about your choice of words because it is hard to say “the white witch,which is a demon,owns narnia”.. How about saying “The white witch,who is a demon,rules narnia..

  3. hana1 says:

    Great work Mothna ! I especially like the adjectives and sentence openers you have used in this piece of writing .

    Remember to use your commas in the places needed !

    Also , instead of ‘angrily’ as a sentence starter , you could write frustrated [ not frustratedly ! ] .

  4. manal says:

    Good writing Mothna! You have added different sentence types.

    Improve:

    Found at Edmund doesn’t make sense.
    Found Edmund makes sense.

  5. isha2 says:

    I really like the range of sentence types that you have used and the descripted words that you have used.

  6. wareesha says:

    good work!Mothna but you need some corrections to do because you wrote:the white witch,whis is a demon that doesnt make sence you could of done who is a demon.

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